TweetSomething they never teach you in school is how much more impact self-control has over the outcome of your life than raw intelligence. It sounds like a pretty straightforward thing to say because you’ve probably heard it somewhere before; maybe your grandmother mentioned it in passing or your pastor talked about it in a sermon in church. It’s actually one of the most provocative and profound ideas in life because it explains so much about why different people have such different fortunes; why one twin becomes the multimillionaire businessman and the other becomes a beggar on the street.
I know a guy who constantly talks about wanting to start his own business. He’d like to build it around his very own iPhone app. He’s a talented Flash designer who resolved several years ago to teach himself how to develop apps. About 6 months ago, he bought himself a book on how to do that. He hasn’t cracked it open yet. Instead, he spends his weeknights watching Netflix.
I’m a driven person and I surround myself with other driven people. Generally, when I land on an exciting new idea, I can’t wait to jump on it. It’s almost impossible for me to understand the type of mentality that encourages a person to watch films every night instead of work on an idea. I just don’t get it. In my mind, either you want something or you don’t. And if you do want it, you go after it.
It turns out that it’s not that black and white for a lot of people. I came across a smart piece in the New Yorker recently that explains the psychology of self-control. It describes a series of experiments done at Stanford during the 1960s to help researchers pin down the psychology of self-control. Kids were invited into a room and asked to pick a tasty treat from a tray. A researcher made each kid an offer: He could either eat the treat right away or if he was willing to wait while the researcher stepped out of the room for a few minutes, he could have two treats when the researcher returned. The child also had the option of ringing a bell to call the researcher back in, but in doing so, he could eat one treat and would have to forfeit the second.
You can see how agonizing such an experience would be to a 5 year old. Most of the kids struggled to not eat the marshmallows. Most became restless and began fidgeting or kicking on their desk. The researchers began tracking these kids over the years and noticed something interesting. The children who ate the marshmallows or rang the bell quickly were more likely to have behavioral problems in school and at home. They struggled in stressful situations, had more difficulty paying attention and got lower SAT scores. The kids who waited the 15 minutes on average had SAT scores 210 points higher than the kids who couldn’t wait.
It’s a bit hard to make the leap from the marshmallows and low SAT scores to destructive adult behavioral patterns; until you realize that it all basically boils down to impulse control.
There’s many more highly self-controlled people of average intelligence with successful lives than there are undisciplined smart people with successful lives. One of the reasons for this is that a lack of self-control has far greater potential to destroy than high intelligence has the potential to create. There’s a near infinite number of situations in the adult world where this is true. I say the adult world because grownups’ actions have real world consequences.
Let’s imagine one of those kids in the Stanford experiment. He’s one of the impulsive ones who ate the marshmallow within 15 seconds. He just couldn’t help himself. Big deal, it’s just a marshmallow. But imagine the same impulsive kid 20 years later as a man. He’s at a party. He sees a cute girl across the room. Somehow, he persuades her to have sex with him. But she’s only 16 and he knows it. Her parents find out. Big mistake. It doesn’t matter that this guy has a 150 IQ and graduated from Yale. He’s going to jail.
Self-control greases the wheels of life by keeping you out of shit. But there’s also areas where self-control has the ability to create things faster and better than pure raw intelligence. Anybody who’s ever created any type of business knows that most of the time, it’s grunt work. There’s many more days where you’re doing busy work than coming up with groundbreaking ideas. The great ideas are important, but without the grunt work that gradually and organically creates the business , the ideas are just a loose collection of molecules no matter how brilliant they are. Before Facebook and Google became what they are, it was just a few guys hacking away in a room somewhere. They could have just as easily decided to watch Netflix movies every night instead of write code, but they didn’t.
The reason they chose to hack instead of watch movies goes to the heart of what really separates people with self-control from people without it. Let’s go back to the issue of intelligence. I don’t want you to think that I’m suggesting that intelligence doesn’t count. It does. But all intelligence isn’t equal. If you’re taking an IQ test, raw general intelligence will help you get a high score. But in the real world, where things aren’t nearly as straightforward, it’s much more useful to be good at metacognition.
Metacognition is basically thinking about thinking. It’s a skill that all highly disciplined people share. It allows you to outsmart your shortcomings. A classic example of it from Greek literature is when Odysseus had himself tied to the mast of the ship because he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist the song of the Sirens. A more modern example is getting rid of your DVD player so you can’t waste time watching Netflix films when you should be working.
Metacognition is the act of analyzing your own thoughts and intentions, then outsmarting them. It lets you confront and outmaneauver your worst impulses. Failure to think about thinking is why the kid who couldn’t resist eating the marshmallows grows up into the man paralyzed by Internet porn.
It turns out, by the way, that all the kids in the Stanford study desperately wanted to eat the marshmallows right away, but the ones who didn’t act on the impulse were able to replace these thoughts with other thoughts.
It’s much easier to apply metacognition if you’ve developed a goal or idealized vision of yourself in your head. For example, if you view yourself as a devout man of God, it’s going to be much easier to resist looking at pictures of naked women on the Internet. If you’re committed to becoming a successful entrepreneur (or successful anything), it’s harder to get tempted into watching TV because you know that watching movies will make it harder to achieve your dream. One thing I’ve noticed is how rarely you see very ambitious people who are overweight. It’s probably because of metacognition.
September 14th, 2010 at 10:59 am
Very true. In fact a lack of basic self control skills can derail your career. Mouthing off at your boss at work can kill your chances at advancement. Not handling customers graciously can destroy your business.
When our pride and lack of self control gets in the way of the little things in our every day lives, we do irreparable harm to our future success.
September 14th, 2010 at 11:43 am
As an entrepreneur myself I certainly understand the amount of work and dedication it takes to actually go into business.
I’ll tell you though, I “wanted to start my own business” for many years before I actually did.
Self control or not, these things take time and a good business really needs to be based around a great idea. Your friend will make the leap when he’s ready.
September 14th, 2010 at 11:54 am
Jamie, congrats on finally getting started, though I disagree with your assertion that a good business needs to be based on a great idea. Most successful businesses are based on mundane ideas.Great execution is far more important…but it’s nearly impossible to execute brilliantly without discipline and follow through…hence the most disciplined people get their just desserts
September 14th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
One of the best responses I’ve ever read on the subject was from a writer. He said at parties people would ask what he did, and when he told them they would inevitably say: Oh, I’ve always wanted to write!
After a while he started replying with nonsense answers like: Well, I’ve always wanted to be a brain surgeon. Or a chartered accountant.
The reason I like it? Because when I say: I’m an artist, the inevitable reply is: “Oh, I’ve always wanted to be able to draw/paint.”
“Well, go buy some materials, sit down and do it.”
That’s when we get to the nut of it. “Oh, it takes too long.” They reply.
It only takes a long time if you don’t spend a lot of time doing it. If you spend some time on a project every day, you invariably make progress. It’s as simple as that.
Edison: Genius in 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
Start, work and keep working. That is the key.
September 14th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
How many of us can relate similar stories of friends, family, room mates, etc. who we’ve wanted to literally grab by the shirt collar and shake?
I’ve seen so many people that never complete, “ready, aim, fire,” because they never get past “ready.”
Very well written.
September 14th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Sometimes it takes self-control to _not_ quit your hated day job and start (or restart) your own business (because you need to keep that job for family obligations medical insurance, steady cash flow, etc). Just wanted to point that out so the people exercising that kind of self-discipline don’t feel slighted. I’ve been there and it isn’t fun.
September 14th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
This is truth! It really hits home for me. Especially the Netflix part. Most days I get home from work knowing I have a lot of work to do on my side projects but I just dont want to do anything except relax and watch movies but I know deep down that doesnt get me any closer to my goal. This post is like a wake up call confirming those feelings.
Next time I get tempted to sidetrack myself I’m going to reread this. Thanks Mika.
September 14th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Upon further reflection I think there are other common elements besides self-control involved in the divide between “talking about doing” and “doing” in some/many cases. I suspect that overcoming “fear of failure” for many people is a larger hurdle than self control.
Also depression will thwart some people’s attempts to extend themselves into more difficult/challenging territory as it has an weighing down effect that is tough to overcome for the person feeling depressed.
Still, good stuff in this post and worth factoring into one’s motivational tapestry.
September 14th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Very true – in fact, there are a couple of books about that, notable “The Talent Code”, and “The Talent Myth” that go into what it takes to be truly notable at any field (short version – you need lots of the right kind of practice). The general conclusion is that IQ is not primary in most fields.
September 14th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
It’s worth noting that metacognition can become a major distraction depending on your personality type.
Aside, I read often that successful entrepreneurs are not afraid to make gut-decisions. I know many who would call this impulsive behaviour, but they say it works, and I find it does as well.
I’m a software developer, by habit and trade, and have read about the founders of Google and others. Those I’ve read about enjoy some form recreational activities as breaks from their labor, including video games and movies, specifically.
Those children in the study were all successful, in my opinion, if they got any candy at all. Immediately they knew what they wanted — the candy. That is the first step towards success. I consider the one who began pocketing the toys and candy the most successful, because he was not afraid to take to his heart’s content, and simply forget the rules. Adults who understand the consequences of their actions on other people do not do things like that, but not all adults understand such things. Further, the examiners may have considered him a failure, according to the guidelines of their study, but that speaks more about difference in perspectives. I would be more interested in studies like that if it made it plain that the children fully understood that waiting would yield more candy.
As for your friend: it is his time to spend, and he has his reasons — whether he is fully aware of them or not, for investing his free time in activities that you may find wasteful. Have you asked him why he hasn’t read his book? Or why he spends time watching movies? You might be surprised at how quickly you’ll begin to understand your friend’s behaviour if you simply ask him about it.
Success is relative to the person, and depends entirely on how well they know what they want, and what they are willing to endure to get it.
September 14th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Fantastic post, thank you!
Albert Bandura’s work is very much in line with this post and definitely worth checking out. In particular is book “Self Efficacy: The Exercise of Control” is a classic: http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/self_efficacy.htm
September 14th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
But if you feel compelled to hack on some code and do, you’re not exercising anymore self control than the guy who’s watching Netflix.
September 14th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Really nice thoughts. Thanks for the article — though a lot of this is common sense, it really is valuable to revisit this off and on to appreciate the importance of hard-work and discipline and self-control.
I think though you should have highlighted the points you made in your last paragraph. Basically having a vision and a goal in life, makes you anyway strive harder, have self-control, discipline and focus. This strong will and motivation to be good and get better and go higher, is what drives people to work harder. This is key.
September 14th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
@thedpr, I have asked him why he procrastinates so much and he says that he just isn’t disciplined and needs to work on it. That’s it. But he never really does anything about it.
September 14th, 2010 at 11:12 pm
I agree that intelligence (and especially the one measured by IQ tests
) is not that important for the success. I would even say it is not important at all. This is the thing you can always get if you want it.
But I completely disagree with the point about the self-control.
First of all you contradict yourself declaring at the beginning that you cannot wait to jump on your new idea (is not that an impulse?) and then trying to prove that THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS BAD.
And the second and the most serious thing is that in my opinion the passion (not the self-control) is the key to success. Without passion any activity is boring and will most probably lead to nothing. Just imagine a guy coming home and forcing himself to the desk to DO THE RIGHT THING. Do you really think this guy would handle his task efficiently and would arrive to anything but irritation and stress? I really doubt it.
I work for 16-18 hours a day easily if I am captured with an idea. And this work may include not only the activity directly related to the implementation of the idea. All those necessary routine (and boring) tasks surrounding it also go easy and without any effort if and only if I have the passion. Yes, I DO need self-control but only to not to forget about my family.
From the post it looks like you have a great passion to the things you do. Tell me honestly do you need lots of self-control to “jump on your new idea”?
September 15th, 2010 at 12:02 am
I wonder if self-control is any more learnable/changeable than intelligence? @mika, maybe your friend can’t become more disciplined any more than someone dumb could “become smarter.”
September 15th, 2010 at 3:11 am
A great idea is merely the seed. Callused hands determine success.
September 15th, 2010 at 8:07 am
Yes and no.
No because the kids with self control in the experiment with the marshmallows (whose name was Walter Mischel, by the way) probably had higher IQs.
No because the individuals with high self-control are orderly and perhaps MORE likely, rather than less, to act in a totalitarian fashion in the Stanford prison experiment (while the laid-back hippy types like The Dude in The Big Lebowski wouldn’t go to the trouble), as orderliness is associated with conservatism, not liberalism.
No because conscientiousness, which is self control, does not predict entrepreneurial activity, while openness, which is associated with liberal creativity, does.
Yes because conscientiousness is a good predictor of grades, longevity, managerial ability, and marital stability.
However, that is not to say that it is MORE important than IQ, which is also such a predictor, and generally more powerful.
You just can’t get away from IQ. But it also pays to work like a mad dog.
September 15th, 2010 at 8:08 am
Two final comments: IQ (at least of the fluid sort) declines with age, while conscientiousness (self-control) increases. Can self-control be learned? The fact that children are socialized and learn to work suggests yes, although it is also heritable.
September 16th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Love this article. I always wondered what element it was that made some people successful and others not. I always thought it was opportunity combined with knowing how to make good use of that opportunity.
Self control has served me well in my life – like not taking the harder drugs when offered, sucking up a situation when I knew that getting irritated would not serve my long term goals and using birth control at the times I really didn’t want a(nother) baby.
But my favorite part is the metacognition part! I have long believed that shortcomings can be used to your advantage and that from limitations great things can occur.
I love an article that not only makes me think but that confirms a lot of what I already believe. Thanks for posting!
September 22nd, 2010 at 7:54 am
This article you’ve written has had more impact on me than *anything* I’ve read in the past several years. I have a reminder in my google calendar to read this weekly.
thank you,
Nick
October 10th, 2010 at 10:40 am
I couldn’t agree more. But then again it is 2am where I am so I may agree to anything